Shout out to all my people who are afraid of confrontation and hate upsetting others!
That’s the status I put up last week that made me realise that I was not alone.
I hate confrontation.
It makes my throat swell, my insides start vibrating and my stomach churns. No matter what type of confrontation, I don’t want any part of it.
But sometimes you have to do what you have to do.
I’ve been killing myself recently.
I’ve been working seven days a week for the past month while still trying to write my weekly article, record videos, do our podcast and work on super-secret 2HelpfulGuys projects. (Shhh, don’t tell anyone.)
Needless to say, this is NOT healthy. Everything was collapsing around me.
I knew what I had to do. I had to tell my boss that I couldn’t work as much.
Sounds easy right? WRONG.
I had this deep seeded fear that he would be angry, or disappointed, or that he would flip the table and… I don’t know.
That’s the problem with this fear of confrontation. You don’t know how it will work out and your mind jumps to the worst possible conclusion.
So how do you deal with this situation when you can barely even think about it without going into a panic attack?
Don’t Look Ahead
There are a whole lot of things that could go wrong and your brain wants to remind you of every single one. You can’t let it get to you.
Humans are really, really bad at predicting the future. I mean, so many of us thought the world would actually end in 2012.
The world is not going to end, this confrontation will not be the end of your life (hopefully) and you will live to avoiding fighting another day.
Focus On Your Intro
This is an old trick I used back in drama class. Whenever I was worried about remember my lines on stage, I would focus on remember just the first line.
If you can say the first line then the rest will come.
In the case of this confrontation, you could spend hours debating all the different things you might say. Instead, I want you to just focus on the very first thing you will say and completely ignore the rest.
The conversation probably won’t go how you picture it in your head, so there is no point in imagining what they will say, and what you will say back and so on.
Figure out exactly what you want to say right away, and then walk up and just say it.
After that, you’re in it. The rest will play itself out.
For The Love Of JellyBeans Just BREATHE
When you are walking up to this person, or when you are trying not to think of doomsday scenarios, or when you are in the confrontation itself: You can’t do anything if you aren’t BREATHING.
When you are in these situations you need to take deep breaths so you don’t have a panic attack, pass out and hit your head on… There I go, imagine worst cases again.
Just breathe and everything will turn out all right.
I know it’s scary but if you have to do it, you have to do it. That is sort of what life is all about, doing things that are scary, but will move you forward.
If we could just spend all of our time sprawled on the couch eating pizza with no consequences don’t you think I’d be doing that right now?
Maybe, maybe not. Sometimes when I have to confront someone, the couch and ice cream look pretty inviting.
So, shout out to all my people who are afraid of confrontation and hate upsetting others!
We’re in this together.