I was a shy kid when I was younger. I wasn't exactly normal. I had a blood disorder and I had a special teacher in class because I had trouble learning and fitting in.
Also, I had ridiculously curly hair, it was an afro. Why did my parents let me have an afro!?
The worst part is that hair would be so awesome right now. I was ahead of my time.
Needless to say, I just wanted some love... Or at least some like.
We all want to be liked, right? These days people generally like me, but sometimes I still feel like that weird kid with the curly hair. I'm still hoping to be liked every day.
So that is what I'm here to do today, help all the weird people become more likable... Okay, normal people can read this too. Who am I kidding, NO ONE is normal!
So here it is: The Most Helpful Guide To Being Likable. These tips are in no specific order. Let's go!
Everyone is happier around people who smile. If you smile more often, guess what? People will smile back. You will brighten up their day a little bit and they will like you more because of it!
70% of communication is non-verbal and when you smile you show that you are happy, confident, and attentive. This is key in becoming more likable.
2) Eye Contact!
Studies have shown that people who maintain higher levels of eye contact appear to be more likable, stable, confident, trustworthy and attractive, among other qualities.
Not only that, but maintaining eye contact shows that you are fully engaged in the interaction instead of thinking about tomorrows breakfast. People like being valued over breakfast foods, trust me.
3) Offer Compliments!
We are all insecure, and if you say you aren't insecure then that means that you are not secure in your insecurities! So what should we do to help each other out with these pesky insecurities?
If you have something nice to say, SAY IT! A compliment can turn someone's day around completely and they will like you more because of that.
4) Keep Promises!
No matter how small a promise is, it is still a promise. If you can't keep to your word then no one will trust you. If people can't trust you then how can they like you?
In this age of ditching plans and forgetfulness, reliability is a rare quality. If you keep promise people will remember.
5) Don't Speak In Monotone!
Imagine the teacher from Ferris Bueller's day off. Would you want to hang out with that guy?
No one wants to listen to someone who sounds like a robot. Use different tones and volumes in your speech to keep the other person's attention.
6) Use Names!
We all like hearing our own name, it's like a sweet song to us. It let's us know that the person talking to us sees us as an individual and that they care enough to remember us.
This works even better if you remember someone's name the second time you bump into them. It creates familiarity and comfort, which everyone likes.
There is something called the "law of state transference." It states that if you are showcasing a certain emotion or state, that people around you are more likely to experience that emotion as well.
Can you remember the last time someone very sad was around you. It probably made you feel a little awkward, and sad as well. Even if your jokes aren't the greatest, if you are genuinely laughing, the other person will be much more likely to laugh as well. Try it out!
8) Slight Touches!
We all like human contact. It releases small doses of the chemicals in our brain that can cause us to feel love. That doesn't mean that if you touch someone they'll turn into a love zombie for you, but a slight touch can cause someone to be more endeared towards you.
Just make sure they are very slight touches in safe place. Don't reach below the belt. Keep it to the shoulders, arms, or upper back and do it in a joking and playful fashion.
9) Open Body Language!
70% of communication is non-verbal. When you stand with your arms crossed and your head slightly down you will be subconsciously conveying to everyone that you are not open to conversation or other people.
Open yourself up, lean back, uncross your arms and smile. All signs of openness will show people that you are ready to engage, and people will like that.
10) Pay Attention!
Use your listening skills, stay off your phone and show the people around you that when you are talking to them, they are your highest priority. No one wants to repeat themselves, and no one wants to talk to someone who doesn't even value them enough to give them their attention.
11) Show Confidence!
When you are confident, people will gravitate towards you. If you seem awkward people will assume that any interaction with you will be awkward. And who wants that? Not me, not the cashier, and not even your grandmother.
12) Exit Small Talk ASAP!
Small talk is needed to start off a new relationship, but you will never leave any sort of lasting impact on people if you only ever engage in small talk.
Use my guide to get from small talk, to deep relationships and you will never have to spend twenty minutes discussing the weather again!
13) Find Common Ground!
Most of the time people enjoy talking about things that they enjoy. Who would have thought?
If you want someone to enjoy your company more and like you more, find some common ground that way you can both enjoy the conversation. This will create a snowball effect of enjoyment.
14) Provide Value!
If you can teach someone something, they will be more likely to remember and like you. It's even better if it's something that pertains to them. Providing value isn't just for business, it's for relationships as well.
15) Groom Yourself!
If you are smelly, people might not like being around you, sorry. You can't change who you are but a general rule is that you should try not to be too offensive to the senses.
Groom yourself, shower, put a little effort into your style and you'll instantly be more likable.
16) Be Positive!
Don't be a Negative Nancy, a Debbie Downer, a Pessimistic Paul or a Gloomy Gary.
As we've learned you'll end up bringing others down through the law of state transference and they won't like it, or you, very much at all. Stay positive, people will like you more and you'll like yourself more.
17) Tell Stories!
Nothing is better than a good story, and nothing is more painful than a bad one. Through good stories you can make people happy, make them laugh, teach them something, leave them in awe, or cause a whole spectrum of other outcomes.
Humans have communicated through stories since we could speak, and maybe even before that. Become a better story teller and all of your relationships will improve.
18) Tell a Secret!
Studies have shown that when you tell someone a secret, even a small one, it will make them trust you more. This is probably a similar effect to state transference, if someone trusts you enough to tell you a secret, then you are more likely to trust them.
And as we've said before in the promises section, a base level of trust is a requirement for likability. Secrets create familiarity as well, making you seem closer to the person you entrust your secret with.
In the same vein as finding common ground, we like people who share similarities to us. A known way of creating that feeling of similarity and familiarity is to slightly mirror the person you are speaking with.
Standing in a similar stance and using similar hand gestures can help in creating this perceived similarity, but don't focus on this to much or you won't be paying attention. Which is point 10.
20) Ask a Small Favour!
The Benjamin Franklin Effect is the idea that when we do someone a favour, we justify it to ourselves by thinking that we did the favour because we like the person. If you ask someone for very small favours, they will oblige and then like you more. Plus, you will get the opportunity to thank them and they will feel good about themselves. It's a win-win.
"He that has once done you a kindness will be more ready to do you another than he whom you yourself have obliged." -Benjamin Franklin
21) Be Humble!
While you should be confident enough to strike up conversations and hold your own, don't brag too much and try to impress people. No one likes a 'one-upper', someone who always has to outdo every story that people tell.
Just be comfortable in who you are, and show some humility.
22) Don't Judge Anyone!
You don't want people to judge you, so why would anyone enjoy being judged by you.
Even if you aren't judging the person that you are talking to, if you are judging others around them, they will assume you judge them when they are not around. If you show that you are an accepting person they will feel much more comfortable around you and like you a lot more for it.
23) Ask Questions!
Asking genuine questions will lead to deeper conversations and show people that you have an actual interest in them as a person. Don't make the conversation all about yourself, ask some good questions and you will find so much more beauty in the people around you.
24) Acknowledge Everyone!
When you are walking down the street, nod at people and smile at them. Ask your cashiers how their day is going. Acknowledge as many people as you can and everyone will like you more. After a while of doing this, you will become more confident and you will naturally radiate a positive, open energy.
25) End on Good Terms!
The first impression you make on someone, and the last impression you make before leaving are important. When you are done talking with someone, take the time to tell them that you enjoyed the conversation.
This will put the law of state transference into effect and they will probably say that they enjoyed talking to you as well. This is a compliment, a sharing of mutual enjoyment, and a great way to leave a good impression for next time.
Well, those are my tips.
I still feel like that weird kid sometimes, but I try to follow these tips so that I can have the best possible relationships with everyone around me because you know what?
We all have weird people inside of us who just want to be liked.
I like you, and I hope you like me too!