I'm not going to lie, I've been depressed in the past. I've looked in the mirror without being able to understand the person looking back at me. What do you want? What makes you happy? Why do you feel this void inside regardless of how things appear on the outside?
During these slumps I spent most of my time sleeping, eating out of boredom, devouring whole seasons of shows and consuming whatever I could to satisfy the feeling, or lack there of, inside me. I felt unfulfilled and useless.
I still feel this way sometimes but I've learned how to push through it with one simple question that I ask myself every morning.
Do I want to be a consumer, or a producer?
Logically, if you feel an emptiness inside you, you are missing something that will make you feel complete again. I learned that this isn't the case.
Instead of taking things in I started to pour everything out of myself. I poured out my heart, my emotions, my soul into my writing. It made me feel something that I hadn't felt in a long time...
Downward spirals and never ending consumption will lead to guilt. It's a cycle. You're empty so you try to distract or satisfy yourself with movies, video games or food but it doesn't change anything and the more you consume, the more guilty and empty you feel.
Pouring out what you have left in you into something, anything, can make you proud again. You have something to look forward to instead of just passing the time.
It doesn't have to be art.
You can start a business, volunteer to help build homes for people or even just create deeper connections with the people around you. As long as you are producing something that allows you to look forward and feel like you are useful.
Think of anything you can put into the world today and start on it. Happiness is more about where you are going than where you are now.
I'm not saying it's wrong to take things in.
You just have to find a balance. Someone who spends all day being creative and working is bound to burn out eventually. That can be just as bad.
I feel that most people are unbalanced right now. As a society we have lost a lot of creativity and self-esteem. We think that we don't have anything of value to add to the world, but imagine if people tried to live up to their full potential.
Imagine if they stopped trying to fill the void with material possessions, or distract themselves from it with movies, games and Facebook.
Writing in this blog and creating deeper connections with the people around me has helped me so much. I feel like I have something to offer the world again and although I go into slumps sometimes, I can pull myself out much quicker.
Maybe the void is meant to push you forward. I don't know if I will ever be completely happy, but if I was, would I continue to push on?
I'll probably never have to find out because the void is a part of me, and for now, I'll pour out my soul from it.
With love, Steven Farquharson, 2HelpfulGuys