Wow, scanning my life for material to write this is making me sick.
I decided that I wanted to write this series on the seven deadly sins because, although I am not especially religious, I do believe that each of these sins can cripple your life. Believe me, this one has caused me more pain than any other vice in my life.
I am a person who has to learn things the hard way.
Normally I am very open about mistakes I have made in the past. Although, I am hesitant when writing them down. Once they are displayed in front of me, I feel like I might pass out. Be gentle, please don't judge me.
“I was completely and irrevocably in lust; which tends to make a person impassive to others’ pain. Love makes us compassionate. Lust makes us deaf to all but the lover.” -Mandy Nachampassack-Maloney
When I was younger, I was socially awkward to say the least.
But, I was lucky. I had a friend who was relentlessly outgoing. Over time he taught me through his actions that you can do anything you want, and as long as you keep a smile and laugh about it, others will follow suit.
He would walk up to girls and randomly pet their hair if he liked them. He would be loud when he wanted, make funny faces, and have a good time where ever he was going.
I owe a lot of credit to him for my outgoing personality.
When I started being more confident, girls started liking me.
This was something new to me. Girls had always liked my friend, but I was usually an after thought. Now, I was starting to realize that if I was confident and funny, anything was possible.
At fifteen, I started my first relationship. It was awesome. In the beginning, I wouldn't say that lust was a bad thing. We were young, we enjoyed it together, and everything is fine in moderation.
It is only when lust blinds you, and you disregard the feelings of those around you, that it becomes destructive. Honestly, I'm trying to delay writing the next sentence.
I cheated on every girlfriend I ever had.
I can try to make excuses and say that I haven't done it in years, and that I've grown and matured. It's true, but it doesn't help the sick feeling I get in my stomach when I think about it.
I had a hole in me somewhere that I wouldn't fully explore until much later in life. I thought girls were the way to fill it. I loved the attention. It made me forget all the insecurities I had built up in my childhood.
So, I fought for attention from as many girls as I could. I lied and cheated to get it. I wouldn't talk to parents because I was afraid of the guilt. I have seen so many girls cry in front of me asking "why?" These memories are so vivid in my mind to this day.
Lust doesn't just rip apart the lives of others, it hurts you as well.
When you let lust consume you, it will take precedent over all else in your life. You will forget your dreams and ambitions. You will spurn people who care about you.
Out of all of the women I have been romantically close to, I am only on speaking terms with one.
Excessive lust without love or regard for others, is a recipe for perpetual misery. So, how do you stop this destructive force?
1) First, you need to ask yourself a few questions and find the root of the problem.
What is it that I really want? Am I looking for attention? Am I bored with my life? Do I feel like I'm not accomplishing anything? Could I be trying to make up for a bad relationship with family or someone close to me?
You might be missing something in your life and you are trying to distract yourself with the opposite sex.
2) Acknowledge your needs.
Congratulations, you are human. You have needs just like every other person on the face of this planet. Just make sure your needs don't define you. It is completely normal to be sexually attracted to someone, but don't let yourself pursue it at the cost of someone else's feelings or your ambitions.
3) Make sure you don't put yourself into a situation that will tempt you.
If you have a girlfriend and another girl is asking you to hang out at her place, it might be a good idea to take a pass. It is much easier to avoid a situation that will cause temptation, than to believe you can fight the temptation itself.
4) If you can't avoid the situation, avoid alcohol and drugs.
These things will lower your inhibitions and cause you to think only short-term. If you absolutely have to be in a situation where you might be tempted, at least try to keep a clear mind. Drugs and alcohol are often just an excuse to do something you normally wouldn't do.
5) Realize the consequences of your actions.
This one is really important. I want you to really think about what will happen if you allow lust to control you. If you are disregarding the feelings of others, I want you to imagine what will happen when you can't avoid the outcome.
What will happen when that person is face to face with you, and you see the pain you have caused. Really take the time to put yourself in that situation and feel what it would be like. It isn't pretty.
If you are just trying to find a distraction because you are bored with life, and you are leading the other person on, I want you to imagine how much you will set yourself back. How much time will you spend trying to pick up the broken pieces of your mind after you are fraught with guilt.
You will only end up feeling further away from your happy future than you already were.
6) Talk to a friend or family member.
Like anything else, you can deal with this more effectively if you express yourself to someone else. They can give you advice and help temper you. If you are lonely or need attention, you might get that as well.
I hope that people who know me won't look at me differently after I post this.
I like a girl right now, I am deathly afraid of what she will think if she reads this.
I still have so many painful memories, I don't want them to affect me anymore, but they still do. I remember a dream I had while I was visiting family in England.
I was a vampire, and I saw myself drain the life out of every woman I had ever loved one by one. When I woke up from this dream I immediately had to message the women I had hurt. I hadn't spoken to any of them in a long time, I still can't remember exactly how they took my apology at 4am in the morning.
I never want to make a girl cry again. All I want is peace of mind in the moments before I fall asleep.
There is no pillow so soft as a clear conscience. - French Proverb